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by Erika Ray

There are two types of people in this world: those who love summer and those who hate summer.  I fall into the Hate camp.  I fall so deeply in the Hate camp that I could be the President.  When you hate Summer, people make you justify your hate all the time.  “How could you hate Summer?” the Lovers whine.  Well, let me tell you why I hate Summer.

1. I hate being hot.  More important, I hate humidity.  Mix the two and fuck me, I’m in Hell.  We went to Vegas last Summer and I almost died on the Strip.  Before the trip, people kept saying, “It’s a dry heat.  Don’t worry.”  Fine.  It was mildly better, but the first day we were crammed in a bus with no air and a bunch of homeless people thinking the bus had A/C.  I wanted to die.  One more mile and I would have died next to a strange woman who kept pulling tattered Bible verse from her bra.  I took one to prepare for my impending doom.  You never know…  When I didn’t die and the doors flew up, I ran so fast from Crazy Bible Bra Lady.

2. When it’s Summer, people expect you to be outdoors.  Do you want to know what I hate second to Summer?  The outdoors.  Yes, I love to camp.  But to hang out in the backyard just because isn’t my idea of fun.  I have a house with A/C next to my backyard.  That’s where I want to be.  In the Summer, if you aren’t outdoors if feels icky and there’s an air of guilt that circulates with the freon.

3. Mosquitos love Summer.  Mosquitos loves me.  I love to scratch.  I love to try to pop the bites.  Yes, I’m in my mid-thirites and I realize that mosquito bites don’t pop.  Yes, I keep trying.  Mosquitos give me ample bites to practice.

4.  Summer has a bunch of filth that the other seasons don’t have.  Summer has a good amount of leftovers.  And filth/leftovers mean someone has to clean up.  Fine.  Winter has dirty snow, boots, and gloves.  Fall has dead leaves and pumpkin guts.  Spring has mud.  But Summer has an endless list of debris.  Here’s what I found in the past two days.

Summer calls for Mexican style beers.  And Mexican style beer goes down like the yummiest water: i.e. more bottles in the morning.

Beer Can Chicken and corn might be the best Summer meal and leaves the most debris.  I didn’t photograph the beer can up the chicken’s butt.  That’s the filthiest most delicious part of the meal.

Suits have to dry.  Usually you’ll find the boys’ suits on the floor or shoved in their book bags.  Leaving more of a mess.

When you do venture outside, you can’t just walk out with a hat.  You have to bring bags of stuff.  Sun block, bug spray, toys, towels, sunglasses, crap, poo, shit, turds…

I hope I made my case for hating Summer.  Those who fall into the Love camp won’t hear any of my whining.  I won’t convince them.  But I am tired of feeling bad for hating Summer.  Give me Fall.  Let me run through the Spring rains.  Winter?  I’ll take ya.  Summer?  I’ve got another two months to deal with your shit.

If you want to help me get over my hatred for Summer, upload your favorite Summer photos to the summer album on our Facebook page.  Turn me into a lover of the sun and heat this season brings.

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21 Comments

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  1. July 2, 2012

    I too am a hater. How much longer to go?

  2. jennaboring #
    July 2, 2012

    I could appreciate it a little more when I lived in the midwest. Now that I’m in the desert I hate hate hate it so much words cannot describe. Around this time every year my husband asks in exasperation “You know it’s going to be in the triple digits for at least four more months… are you seriously going to keep bitching about it that whole time?” You bet your sweet ginger ass I am honey.

    • July 2, 2012

      I’ll bitch for you! That sounds awful.
      “Sweet ginger ass” the best.

  3. Stacy M #
    July 2, 2012

    And that, my friend Erika, iis why I love you! I am also a hater….mark me down as the VP because I’m tired of explaining why I don’t want to go swimming every fucking day. You know what I hate worse than swimming? Having sand all over my feet and having to spray it off with the hose. Sand never comes off and I’m stuck with it all over my nicely A/C house! Yep, I’m a hater all the way!

  4. kate #
    July 2, 2012

    I hate winter. Couldn’t give a shit about summer one way or the other, but winter makes me cry. Literally. I put on the fucking long-johns, the long sleeved shirt, the sweater, the long pants, the coat, the hat, the thermal socks, the boots, the mittens. Not to mention, before coat, but after pants, I have to pause for 3 hours, to put the same list of crap on my toddler (who fights it like I’m holding a pillow over her face the whole time…can’t blame her). Then go out and sit my frozen ass onto a rock hard car seat (upholstery stiffens right up at 40 below), hold onto a slippery frozen steering wheel and drive to a grocery store (or mall, or museum, or you name it), and lurch my midas-man ass into the building, with giant toddler blob clutched to me, only to have to strip down again for the short period I’ll be there…then you know, repeat the whole mess again. And again. And again, ad nauseum, for 6 odd months. Oh, and our noses all run all the time ’cause apparently snot is the only thing preventing the nose from freezing to a little brittle nub. And dog shit steams for like 8 seconds, then freezes into the ice in the yard, and I can’t get appropriately dressed in that 8 second window to scoop the unfrozen poo, so I have to chip the farking stuff up into poopsicle bags. It’s horrifying. Then in spring, I’m so pallid and sickly looking, people look away ’cause the sun on my skin burns their retinas. Seriously don’t believe in the heaven and hell thing, but I’m damn sure if it does exist, hell is winter.

  5. July 3, 2012

    That’s exactly how I feel about winter. Winter is the worst. The. Worst. It can kiss my ass, quite frankly. I’ve seriously contemplated abandoning my family and driving south on many a February morning. I’m overjoyed once summer arrives, even though the humidity makes me sweat like a mother fucker. I’ll take it over a Canadian winter, any day.

    Another plus in summer: Summer = no socks. The bane of my existence is washing and pairing up socks.

  6. joelynnej #
    July 4, 2012

    When I lived on the ocean I LOVED Summer, because none of these issues existed on the ocean. The salty cold breeze evened everything out. But now that we’re in the prairies? Fuck. This. NOISE. Add ticks and leeches to your list.

    • July 5, 2012

      Totally forgot about ticks and leeches! Thanks for helping.

  7. July 4, 2012

    Come to Sweden, it’s cool but still sunny andthere are less mosquitoes because the winter lasts so long they don’t have time to be born!!

    You are expected to be outside at every opportunity though — we can’t have it all…

  8. July 5, 2012

    Wow – I agree with both you and the ‘lover’ of summer! lol

    • July 6, 2012

      The middle is always a good place.

  9. Generation 26 #
    July 7, 2012

    I’m with ya. Summer is the only season I just can’t deal with. I always manage to get a fever or otherwise injured in the summer, I have to worry about my grandparents in the heat, and a cold soda only stays cold for a few minutes..nobody likes a warm soda. Fall and Winter are beautiful and manageable in most cases and Spring is just warm enough, but Summer..you can only take off so many clothes.

  10. July 9, 2012

    I am very much like you. Heat + humidity combined=death.
    However, it depends on where you live.
    If you live where I am now, Southern Italy, it is a killer.
    I have chosen to live on a mountain to improve things a bit.
    But if you live, for instance, in England, normally it will range from spring in the south to late fall in the north (except for a few days).
    Summer in England can be magic.

  11. Wendy Hacker #
    March 19, 2013

    I hate summer. I hate bugs and mowing my lawn. I hate summer clothes and I hate a car too hot to dawdle bringing groceries home.

  12. Alexandra #
    May 30, 2013

    Summer is only nice when you are by a lake or an ocean or a pool. And you do not have to go to work in the heat and humidity. I hate it when people say it is nice out when it is only 80, I live in a city, and walking around in a city with only 80 degrees is really hot! You sweat a lot. And of course where I live, 80 is a good day in the summer, more often it is 90’s and 100’s. I live in NJ. I so get you, I get so annoyed by people who say they cannot wait for the warm weather, aka suffering. Blah.

  13. OctoberRust #
    June 12, 2014

    I live in Vegas and I LOATHE summer too. Before I lived here, I lived in Miami… I LOATHED it more. 9-10 months of sticky, MISERABLE, HELLISH summertime 24/7. Round the clock… WITH HOT RAIN!!! Most Christmas mornings in Miami were spent with the AC blasting as always…

    I was born and raised in California though… basically the same hellish summers as Vegas…

    People who LOVE summer annoy me. I guess they don’t understand the whole concept of HOT, MISERABLE and OPPRESSIVE heat. Like I always say,

    “So you LOVE this heat Hugh? Go put on your thickest coat and a beanie and SIT OUT IN YOUR CAR FOR A WHILE… YOU’LL LOVE IT!!!”

    In the heat, you can’t move, can’t breath, you just sit and roast in purgatory. OR, you can sit in the freon bubble like someone who is on artificial life support.

    In all fairness though, I do understand where the 40 below people are coming from. “Summer” to them is what, like 65 F degrees? The exact OPPOSITE of Florida… 9-10 months are icy hell and 2-3 months of semi-human weather.

    I’m talking about the people who are like “Yea, it’s only 110 today, great day to sit by the pool and drink until we get sick and puke… yea… wee!” I love summer whew who party time! I really feel alive when it’s over 100! CANNONBALL! Whew Who!

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. 5 Reasons Why Summer Kicks All Other Season’s Asses. | Overexposed + Underdeveloped
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