i have always loved the ‘freaks’, the deviants, the rule breakers. in high school it was the skaters with their shaved heads and mile high mohawks, shredded fish nets and knee-high doc martens… i pined to be one of them.  me the pleaser, the cheerleader. i secretly longed to be weird, different, edgier. it never happened. closest i ever got to deviant behavior was my tattoos. oh and that time i got my nose pierced but then took it out because it never healed right.  yeah livin’ on the edge people, that’s me.   i did eventually wear docs,  just not the knee-high ones,  my deviancy had its limits.  at age 40 i still love the freaks. i love to walk the streets and seek them out in my lens.
fire lucky for me i live near a fairly progressive hip little city.  we have street fairs, which bring out all the street artists and street kids.  I LOVE THEM. I can’t look away.  I stalk them. pathetic. truly. now that spring is finally here there is sure to be more people and more skin.  more skin  = more tattoos.  win win in my book.squeezeboxtattoos, piercings, pink purple green dreads, yes please! boots and fish nets, leather and lace, dreamy!  i love shooting these mysterious strangers that seem to live life on the fringe. i imagine they hang out and read poetry, draw in journals, and play the ukulele at 4am. they live in cool flats with funky thrifted furniture with graffiti all over their walls that they change whenever they feel like it.  they hang out in subways and art galleries. this is normal right?  me, the mom, daydreaming of the lives of these cool kids.  don’t answer that.
east cackalacky

i guess a small part of me still longs to be in the club.  i wonder what they think, mild middle-aged mom me, taking their photo.  do they wish i would go away?  or can they see my secret longing in my eyes. that rebel in me that never saw the light of day.  i hope so,  because each time i focus my lens on them,  i am loving them in all their quirkiness.  i should have been crazier bolder darker weirder….  i should have gotten that mohawk at 16,  played the musical saw in a garage band named “hose water”… opportunities lost i guess.  my wasted youth.  😉

yesterday i took my wanna-be deviant self and some cans of paint to a legal graffiti wall. yes legal, allowed, not very deviant when i put it that way.  oh well, even legal it felt slightly naughty.  for a few fleeting moments i got in touch with my inner bad girl. maybe i need to re-pierce my nose or work on that sleeve i’ve always wanted….  or maybe i should just go buy some more spray paint.deviant me



Post a comment
  1. anniesamuels #
    May 11, 2012

    Oh how I love this and identify with this!

  2. mary #
    May 11, 2012

    i love you and i love these images. ❤

  3. ajbbents #
    May 11, 2012

    a-freaking-dore. I always feel afraid to even pull my camera out – afraid they’ll tell me no… chicken shit, no more!

  4. joelynnej #
    May 11, 2012

    I grew up this way. I can tell you it takes a hard skin to be a part of a counter culture, always justifying why you want to do things differently. As a kid growing up repeatedly dealing with adults who wanted to know why a girl would wants to wear those big boots (14 hole docs) with a skirt or have blue hair, I can assure you that any adult who shows interest or support is surely a welcome relief. 🙂 Keep snapping as long as you flash a smile to go with it so they know you’re not taking them as a “what not to wear” for your own kids, lol. 😉

  5. Goda Ona #
    May 11, 2012

    Yep! Guilty of longing to belong to the “cool kid club” too.. Back in the day there was a period of leather pants and boots and bright red hair.. That was the extent of rebelious a teacher’s daughter could do.. and enjoyed every bit of it!

  6. May 11, 2012

    i always felt like i was somewhere in the middle. in a way i still do.
    i wish there was a graffiti wall here. i’ve heard rumors of one, but i don’t know where it is. i plan on making our own in the back yard. for henry’s birthday last year i wanted to do a graffiti party. i thought it would be fun for the kids and the grown ups, but then i thought about it and the kids were still a little too young (in other words, it would have been a lot of work for the grown ups). it’s on the to do list though.

    • Becky #
      May 11, 2012

      I’m with you Jessica, I feel like I’ve got one foot in both camps, though more often than not I feel like outward appearances suggest the “normal” while inward I’m with the freaks. I’m working on reconciling the two.

      • May 11, 2012

        l love that you 2 have your feet in both camps. i was always WAY too much of a good girl. i wish i had been a whole lo more adventurous in my youth.

    • May 11, 2012

      oh and yes to it being hard for little ones to do Jessica. i took K and C to this wall almost 2 years ago and casey could NOT push the spray can nozzle and it only made her MAD… so wait til they are a little bigger and can push that button… but that kind of party would ROCK. i want to come!

  7. May 11, 2012

    Haha! By any chance are you a Capricorn? This sounds just like me! 🙂 I favorited that shot of your accordion player way back… love that! Love all these & love your post. You know what, though? I’m pretty sure all those edgy folks are just folks– funny, boring, annoying, tedious, lovely, kind, selfish & mundane. But they do look super cool. 😀

  8. May 11, 2012

    I adore these photos and can SO relate to your feelings. Plus, your graffiti rocks!

    • May 11, 2012

      thanks corinna the graffiti was F U N!

  9. pencilfox #
    May 11, 2012

    *this* was me as a teen and *this* is how i feel inside right now.
    of course….OF COURSE….i want to be right there in the midst of all the rebellion and self-expression….right there WITH YOU.

    • May 11, 2012

      of course this was you! you still wear the docs!!! rock on rebel lady rock on.

  10. sarah #
    May 12, 2012

    you’re bad ass in my book K. officially. forever. x

  11. kathy #
    May 12, 2012

    Love the idea of a graffiti wall…seriously cool! I love the photos…I was able to float into many different crowds growing up. In 8th grade I shaved the side of my head and put a peace sign on it…wore my brothers dog tags and an army jacket?! I have a photo somewhere…my mom didn’t even notice that I shaved the side of my head until a church lady pointed it out while I was cheer leading at a church basket basketball game…but what really got them was when I dyed my hair so black it was blue. I wore my hair BIG too…it was a lot of fun. Did my mom say anything?…not really. She was just happy I wasn’t knocked up like my sister. Getting me out of the teen years with no baby was the main goal – who gave a rats ass about my hair.

  12. crisis #
    May 13, 2012

    I’m 21, feel like I’ve got a little more time, but I know that in the end I’ll end up just longing for these things I never did! So nice…
    And don’t worry about the shots, they definitely don’t mind being in your lenses 😉
    Nice post, and I like your blog 🙂

  13. May 14, 2012

    What’s stopping you now?

    • May 14, 2012

      i ma pretty sure it is the same thing that stopped me then… fear? just how i am wired? once a pleaser always a bit of a pleaser.. so i admire from not so afar. 🙂

      • May 14, 2012

        My (occasional) (occasionally helpful) mantra: My only limitations are those I put upon myself.
        A camera can be a license to live vicariously.

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