by Erika Ray
There are two types of people in this world: those who love summer and those who hate summer. I fall into the Hate camp. I fall so deeply in the Hate camp that I could be the President. When you hate Summer, people make you justify your hate all the time. “How could you hate Summer?” the Lovers whine. Well, let me tell you why I hate Summer.
1. I hate being hot. More important, I hate humidity. Mix the two and fuck me, I’m in Hell. We went to Vegas last Summer and I almost died on the Strip. Before the trip, people kept saying, “It’s a dry heat. Don’t worry.” Fine. It was mildly better, but the first day we were crammed in a bus with no air and a bunch of homeless people thinking the bus had A/C. I wanted to die. One more mile and I would have died next to a strange woman who kept pulling tattered Bible verse from her bra. I took one to prepare for my impending doom. You never know… When I didn’t die and the doors flew up, I ran so fast from Crazy Bible Bra Lady.
2. When it’s Summer, people expect you to be outdoors. Do you want to know what I hate second to Summer? The outdoors. Yes, I love to camp. But to hang out in the backyard just because isn’t my idea of fun. I have a house with A/C next to my backyard. That’s where I want to be. In the Summer, if you aren’t outdoors if feels icky and there’s an air of guilt that circulates with the freon.
3. Mosquitos love Summer. Mosquitos loves me. I love to scratch. I love to try to pop the bites. Yes, I’m in my mid-thirites and I realize that mosquito bites don’t pop. Yes, I keep trying. Mosquitos give me ample bites to practice.
4. Summer has a bunch of filth that the other seasons don’t have. Summer has a good amount of leftovers. And filth/leftovers mean someone has to clean up. Fine. Winter has dirty snow, boots, and gloves. Fall has dead leaves and pumpkin guts. Spring has mud. But Summer has an endless list of debris. Here’s what I found in the past two days.
Beer Can Chicken and corn might be the best Summer meal and leaves the most debris. I didn’t photograph the beer can up the chicken’s butt. That’s the filthiest most delicious part of the meal.
I hope I made my case for hating Summer. Those who fall into the Love camp won’t hear any of my whining. I won’t convince them. But I am tired of feeling bad for hating Summer. Give me Fall. Let me run through the Spring rains. Winter? I’ll take ya. Summer? I’ve got another two months to deal with your shit.
If you want to help me get over my hatred for Summer, upload your favorite Summer photos to the summer album on our Facebook page. Turn me into a lover of the sun and heat this season brings.