During the month of October, the month where we celebrate women of all ages and backgrounds, we’ve asked a few women to take a turn on the blog to give you a different point of view. And today our guest poster is talking about sex on her terms.
“Just remember, you’re a lady ; )” says the guy I had recently seen. Gross emoticons aside, what is that supposed to even mean? As it turns out, it meant, “Just remember, you’re a lady, and we slept together that one time, so please please don’t shatter this weird thing I have where I think that sex is indicative of a relationship because only non-ladies would do otherwise- wait, you really don’t want to date me?”
Yeah, no, no I do not. I like sex. I am also not extremely interested in a strictly monogamous relationship – and I’m very upfront about that with the people I choose to sleep with. At times, it’s kind of tiring not having that personal choice taken at face value. And that’s the most common reaction. I haven’t had to deal much with the inevitable list of names: slut, whore, bitch – take your pick, and deal with your hang-ups without me, please. But as with that guy, it just doesn’t register to some people that, as a lady, I don’t feel compelled to have sex within a relationship.
This decision suits me well. I’ve developed close relationships with people that were once just sex friends (“friends with benefits” – don’t even), gotten closer to existing friends, and casually seen people in between. Always responsible, never involved with someone who’s not on board with a non-monogamous partner, it’s why I’m honest with people about my choices. It’s something I’m perfectly willing to talk about and frankly, and something that needs to be talked about. There’s some aspect of surprise that I’m a lady and talking so candidly about my sex life, but in that kind of relationship, honesty is more helpful than judgment.
And if you’re going to judge my lady-self for enjoying sex how I want to, I don’t want to be having sex with you anyway.